Today.

Today, all my dreams and hopes for my career as a barrister were destroyed. Due to my 3 month absence from school. Yes, I am partly to blame, but the way my ex-boyfriend treated me and crushed me emotionally and physically caused me to develop, depression, then self harming, then anorexia later.

Imagine crying for help to the one person you love, because you were lonely and heartbroken at everything they do and then they start laughing at you… I had to deal with that for 11 months. And it doesn’t end there, he did a lot worse. The funny thing is I still love and want him. Why am I attracted to men who treat me like shit?

People always ask how I’ve coped. I haven’t “coped”. I have failed. 

I find it quite pointless breathing in and out anymore. What have I done to deserve this? Rapists win lotteries, murderers get off scott-free. But I, a harmless teenage girl, have to suffer with all these disorders and all this pain. To top it off, I can’t actually see any light because my future has been ruined.

Why? I just don’t understand.

I hope you are all well. 

Take care.